What I thought of my last post!


I Live Everything this suggests! This sums up what I believe is our purpose of our personal journey throughout our own lives, the life God gave us when he planted each of us in his chosen womb for us. Life is so unpredictable, and so not perfect, and tough, and hard, and painful, so painful at times, and right now my way is rocky and treacherous, and i I was a ship on an ocean, I would have capsized, or sunk like The Titanic…I am at a jumping off place in my life, and I’m scared of what it is I am learning right now, and I am so afraid of what I am realizing, and so remorseful for what I am now understanding to be the opportunities God had put in front of me and I chose the difficult path…and it is hard to swallow, yet bittersweet as well. I want to get to the other side of this, and I trust and believe when I surrender my will and accept my part, and understand I am where I am because of the route I chose, and the things that have happened to me that I don’t think I deserved, and the injuries from the decisions and choices I made in my own behavior, and the people I chose to believe in, and hang on to, and the times I didn’t stick up for myself, or when I shut up instead of spoke up when there were things I knew were wrong, and that compromised my beliefs, and I overlooked them because it was easier to ignore, just because I was too afraid or insecure to move on because I didn’t want to go on alone….without another being, actually just compromising myself so I wouldn’t be all by myself, and I would appear to be a part of something, if there were someone else there with me, when I was tricking myself into believing I wasn’t alone, and today I am acknowledging I was alone, I knew I was alone, I let people stay just so I wouldn’t look alone…and today I realize its only wrong for me to be alone when I am with other people, and its not okay to let people stay in my life, just so my life appears to be full when others see my life, this is my Life, and I am ready today to only share myself, and my space, and my time, and my world when it is right for me, and I am beginning my own personal “footprints” journey as I am typing this out….and I am so ready to trust in God, and deepen my relationship with God, and nurture my broken self, and embrace this opportunity with eyes wide open, and I trust this is the only way to survive my brokenness- to feel the pain of all of it, of my entire life to this point, and its okay to be naked and bleeding inside because my world is changing because I have accepted I cannot, and will not continue to fool myself by believing I can go on living any longer without beginning at Ground Zero and forgiving myself, and those I’ve taken hostage, or been taken hostage by, I give all that up today, and can fully see God’s Grace in my existence, and am so thankful for the purity and the goodness God put in the core of my being, and look forward to turning this thing around…and start living inside and outside of myself with a new appreciation for myself, and will embrace the gift that is waiting on the other side of my pain. Rolling out the red carpet to my future—ready to look back one day, and have nothing but gratitude and quietness of heart seeing where I truly was carried and it was nothing I did to get from where I am at to where it is I am headed, Thank You God for repeating the tough stuff over and over, and yes, I am ready to go with you now, for I will never be alone again!



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